Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
