I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wear drunk well.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
