There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
