So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
