Pappa wants mamma naked
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
