At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
