Jerry, you need to find god
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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