You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
