i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
