I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
