paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
