You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
