So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
