why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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