Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
