I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
