i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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