Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
