Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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