Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
