You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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