I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
