It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
