Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
