the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
