I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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