wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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