oh god the rape fog is back!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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