Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Randomize
