why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
