she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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