Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
