I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
