I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
