And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
