When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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