you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
