ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
