but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
