youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
