my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
