just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
