Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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