My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
