Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
