My sheets look like a crime scene.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
