i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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