its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
