Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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