farters have to be the big spoon...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
