So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
