It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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