Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hippo gnu deer
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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