do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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