So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
